Hello There World once again. I have been completely out of commission for some time. For the few people who take the time to read this ( Hi Mom and Dad! ) who DON’T know my situation, I will elaborate.() Perhaps someone will read this at some point who has “been there, done that” and can offer advice to me or take my words to heart.
I moved here to Europe at end of September (the 26th to be exact) and married Dragan October 12th. As I was unable to get my Visa to live here before leaving…….I planned to go back around Christmas to apply, thinking once married it would be a piece of cake. I flew back November 29th and enjoyed a full month of being home with my parents. Dragan experienced his first American Christmas Extravaganza and yada yada yada……I wasn’t approved to go back to Europe for 3 Months. That’s right. 90 Days!!! That 3 months was to start from the day I flew back to USA…..so I was stuck in America Until the beginning of March. Hence, I went back to work in NYC.
How bizarre was that experience!!! I was then living back in my NYC apartment (which fortunately i was able to get back–empty of course) and felt the pressure to get to work as I had to spend a small fortune for my apartment and furnished it accordingly……..
I really really struggled. At times I convinced myself I was just living a “sophisticated” life, based on 2 continents and because I have a true love for NYC and my apartment and for selling real estate…..I went back to my normality. Then the thought came into my head… when I struggled with motivation or happiness……..which was……I miss my husband! And I thought I got married…..and ……ummm……..moved to Europe. WTH. So it goes. I know others have gone through the same issues.
Dragan was a trooper and, because he was traveling so much anyway, helped to raise my spirits by convincing me I should be grateful for my gift of being there; as I was able to see my family a lot and my BAILEY a lot and do the small things I missed when in Europe (i.e. getting my nails done cheaply and being good at life).
The problem was I am good at living in NYC. I took care of myself……i had professional success…..friends…..routines……..my own apartment………so, I’ll be honest. Coming back to Europe was, while what I wanted, hard. I knew I would be immersed once again into the awkward difficulties of learning a new culture, language and life with a……..gasp……..man. 🙂 Also, I went back to my parents for 3 weeks and thought…..I like my parents so much, I could really live with them forever! My mother insisted that would not be true and I would be bored and pulling my hair out soon. Nonetheless…..I’m glad I was able to be there.
I won’t go on……..but that’s where we were and now we are here and it feels worth the struggle….. Worth the many many tears and worth the rest, as summer over here is truly, fairly spectacular. All good things in life are worth fighting for and this life here, with Dragan, is exciting and new and beautiful IF also difficult and new and beautiful and consisting of all the real human experiences we face. So it is……..perfection would be boring. So, while I’m blissfully happy some days and seeing the most exquisite things and visiting places I didn’t think I would….I also miss my family and I miss my comfort of knowing where to go and how to speak to people. I believe all who move far away, especially to new and foreign lands, go through this and I’m glad my eyes have been opened to the things outside of my comfort zone. I’m learning new things about the world and myself each day.
For example, today I discovered I don’t actually hate cherries. I’ve always insisted I hate them and today, in a moment of heat exhaustion (because there is no AC-see future post-) I bought some at the market only to discover I LOVE them!! I’m sitting here now, on my balcony, enjoying a bowl of cherries and a glass of white wine. I told you……life here is HARD. 🙂
Goodnight world. I do appreciate thoughts and experiences to those who have weathered or dreamed them.